I've done a lot of traveling in my time. I'm always on the road it seems more than most. One of the reasons I got Cingular (AT&T) was because it had free roaming. I'd always find myself in other area codes for a daily trip, weekend getaway, or just visiting family in Ohio.
Within the last two years I've done way more traveling and have become rather accustom to it. My Rewards Points and SkyMiles can confirm this. I plan, track, and navigate like a pro. However, nothing could compare me for today...
It all started this morning as I embarked on my journey to Greensboro, NC. I was en route to the off airport parking when I made a wrong turn - right onto the interstate like I was going to work. "No big deal, I know an alternate way." This 5 min delay would later be my demise.
Turning into the parking lot, I was directed to the "Designated Row". The row was full so I ended up doubling back a couple times before just driving in a row that a shuttle was on to pick me up. Several other travelers were also confused at the lack of signage the parking lot provided. I'll say this cost me another 3 minutes. This brings the total to 8.
I arrived at the airport and the fun really began. Take one flight that is scheduled to take off at 10:54am, subtract 45 min and you get 10:09am. That's what time you have to check in by so your bags can make it thru the miles of conveyor to get to your plane. I've come close before, checking in at Phillie 49min before my flight and nobody cared. I checked in today at 10:02 so I thought no big deal. That's not what Delta thought.
The following is a series of conversations to the best of my memory.
Bearer of Bad News Baggage Handler: Welcome, checking in?
Chols: No, dropping off a pre-paid bag.
BBNBH: OK, boarding pass please... oh... sorry! you're late! you can't fly today!
C: What?
BBNBH: You need to check in one hour before you flight. You didn't make it. Sorry!
C: I thought it was 45 min? Besides, I'm 8min late. Help me out here. (looks like the 8min delay really hurt)
BBNBH: Nothing I can do, it won't let me override it. You can talk to that lady and she'll help you out.
I walk over to the SkyPriority Lady at the standing computer workstation thingy.
Merciless Workstation Lackey: Hi, Sir, may I help you?
Chols: BBNBH told me I couldn't check in because "I'm late". He sent me here.
MWL: Oh, ok...yes, you're not flying today
C: What? There's nothing you can do? I'm the first person to check in 8 min late?
MWL: No sir, sorry, all flights are booked. You can try tomorrow.
C: I'm already on this flight. Why can't my luggage go with it?
MWL: You didn't check in on time.
C: Well, put my bag on a later flight and I'll pick it up later. I need to be in Greensboro today!
MWL: We can't do that. You have to travel with your bag.
C: That doesn't make sense. Bags get lost all the time and are put on different flights
MWL: Let's see what I can do /types into DOS era workstation screen/ I can put you on a 12:30 flight. It's booked full, but you can fly standby
C: I'm not flying standby. I already paid for a ticket 2wks ago.
MWL: Sorry sir, it's the best I can do. We're booked up! Go to a kiosk to print out your new boarding pass and check your bag with the attendant. Next flight is at 12:30pm
I proceed to the kiosk, but no luck. It tells me to see an attendant. I head back to the bag counter where I am met with Enthusiastic and Hopeful Baggage Handler.
Enthusiastic and Hopeful Baggage Handler: Hi, may I help you?
Chols: I need to drop off my bag and get a new boarding pass.
EHBH: That is your boarding pass /points to phone/
C: Well MWL told me I'm flying standby today because I checked in 8min late and my bag can go on my flight so I need to try for a later flight.
EHBH: Oh, well, that pass will work. If you're flying standby you can still make the original flight as standby. You just have to get to the gate on time!
C: Well, where's my luggage going to go?
EHBH: It will go wherever you go. If you get the 10:54 flight it will follow you. If not, it will get on a later flight that you get on.
C: Do what? So you're telling me that my bag will still make it on the 10:54 flight if I can make it?
EHBH: Yes, Sir, but you need to get thru security and get to your gate. The more time you spend here..
C: /deuces
I walk briskly to the security checkpoint. I try to sneak in the stroller line, but it's taking to long. The main lines are much shorter. I breeze thru the ID verification, proceed to a security lane with no one in it and have my dick measured with bomb scanning x-ray technology. Literally 5 min ago I was talking with EHBH and now I'm on the terminal train. Time is 10:30.
I get to Concourse C. Gate is C53. FML, all the way to the end. I stop by some kiosk for a parfait and a Snapple. Can't go hungry. I get to the gate at 10:35, 19min before departure time. The gate is full? Nobody is boarding? Odd... I proceed to the gate counter and consult Tiresome and Annoyed Gate Agent.
Chols: I need to see if I can board this flight
Tiresome and Annoyed Gate Agent: Last name please /she looks up my flight/
TAGA: I don't see you on this flight
C: Last name "Thomas II" (having a suffix really causes problems in a post-9/11 world)
TAGA: OK, yeah, here you go /prints boarding pass/
C: Oh, cool, you got me an aisle seat closer up. Thanks! So, is my luggage going to make it?
TAGA: Looks like you checked in late. It's scheduled to go on the 12:30pm flight.
C: Well, EHBH told me it would follow me if I made it on this flight.
TAGA: Nope, you checked in to late.
C: So she lied to me?
TAGA: I don't know what she told you. I know that it will be in Greensboro at 1:30. You can pick it up then.
C: Ok.
As soon as I sit down, TAGA comes over the PA and announces why nobody had boarded, a maintenance delay. I go back and ask that since now the flight was taking off at 11:20pm, my bag should make it. Apparently that logic doesn't work with Delta. I retreat to the waiting area and eat my parfait.
11:30 rolls around and we board. At 11:45 we're told that more maintenance is jamming us up. Apparently a plane has 3 altimeters, devices that tell you how high you are in the air. One of those three is a backup and today the backup was not operational. It was originally believed that they could fly without the backup, but it was cloudy in Greensboro and they can't fly with a faulty backup. Back. Off. The. Plane.
As we are waiting to get out pink-tag gate checked bags (carry ons that can't fit in the overhead compartments are checked at the gate), a new flight time of 12:30 pops up. I decide to take advantage of the delay and grab lunch. I'm now wondering if I need to get my pink-tag bag since we just got off the plane. I ask Completely Oblivious and Clueless Gate Agent what I should do.
Chols: Are we waiting for our pink-tag bags?
Completely Oblivious and Clueless Gate Agent: You can wait if you want.
C: Ok, do we need to wait for the bags?
COCGA: /blank stare/
C: I'd like to get some food since I planned on being in Greensboro at this time and I don't want to leave my bag unattended
COCCA: You can wait for it.
C: Are they coming up?
COCCA: I don't know.
C: Ok, I guess I'll wait since I don't want it to get lost just sitting here
I wait, my frustration level is about a 7 and is definitely hunger induced. I overhear another customer inquiring on what I just did 2 min prior, but he gets a different answer.
COCCA: Yes sir, you can go and they will be here.
Another Customer: OK, thanks!
C: That's not what you told me. You told me I had to wait here for it.
COCCA: No sir, I said you could wait for it.
C: But you don't know if they are coming up? Do I need to wait or not?! I'm not gonna let my bag just sit unattended at the gate so TSA can pick it up! (mildy causing a scene)
COCCA: I don't know, sir, you can wait and find out.
C: I don't understand how you have no idea of knowing if the plane is going to discharge the gate checked luggage or just leave it in the cargo hold. You are of no assistance.
COCCA: /blank stare/
About 5 min later, sounds of an elevator are heard, a door raises, and the bags magically appear. I head over to the Sam Adams restaurant where I hear COCCA come over the PA and announce a flight time of 1:00pm. Maybe I shoulda gotten on the 12:30 flight...
I return to the gate at 12:45. TAGA announces that "the flight is still scheduled for 1:00, but maintenance hasn't shown up yet". What? Seriously? How hard is it to update the departure time? Incompetent assholes.
Soon we are told we'll have a new plane. Fine. At 1:30 we're told that a new plane will be leaving at 2:00 from gate D29. A completely different concourse. Even more, it is at the gate and deplaning. This is too much for me to handle. They couldn't tell us ahead of time? They literally have no idea where that plane is going to go? Unacceptable.
I make the trek from one end of Concourse C to the train, then back down to the end of Concourse D. Absolutely ridiculous. 5min later we are allowed to board.
You would think that this would be the end of Epic Fail Travel Day? It is not...
I arrive in Greensboro in a stupor. Half worn out from the stresses of the day, half ready to just have this day end. I attempt to pickup my bag, and it is not there. FML. I proceed to Baggage Services where I catch a glimpse of my maroon companion. Looks like she got on the 12:30 flight after all. Clever girl. I decide to raise my rifle once more, this time with Indifferent But Obliging Customer Service Clerk working the baggage desk.
Chols: So, who do I talk to about being compensated for my poor travel experience today.
Indifferent But Obliging Customer Service Clerk: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that. /she gives me a look I cannot describe. It is a mix of "too-fuking-bad, it's air travel" and "I'm about to be done with a 12hr shift, let me get you out of my life as soon as possible"/
C: /I explain my entire ordeal, from the botched standby flights, to the Altimeter Debacle of 2012. I even pepper in bits of my Memphis Entrapment last week/
IBOCSC: Here's a $50 voucher good for any Delta flight within one-year.
C: Ahh. I appreciate it.
I leave to go pickup my rental with a slight victorious pep in my step. Where would my rental be? I only see "Ground Transportation" and "Rental Spaces 100-249" Wtf? I walk outside and see a man standing around. Desperate, I ask. He directs me down the way and across the street. I walk by a National Kiosk, but I'm looking for Budget. I end up in a parking garage and ask the worthless teen attendant playing on her iPhone where it is. She tells me it's back across the street at the end.
I double back and end up by a FastBreak sign (Budget's priority program). Normally I just walk up to a car and drive off, but I don't see my name on the board, or any board for that matter. I ask the National people where to pick it up and they ask: "Do you have your keys?" "No, I don't know where anything is. There's no signs!" "Go back inside and to the right" "Well this is crazy"
I enter inside and see Hertz, National, Alamo, Avis, but no Budget. WTF? Where am I? I enter the Avis line since they are partners with Budget and I see it. A FastBreak sign among all the Avis. I ask the Overly Perky Counter Clerk if I can pick up a car.
Chols: Can I pickup a Budget FastBreak here?
Overly Perky County Clerk: Yes! Last name please!
C: Why the hell is there NO SIGNS? All there is is a tiny FastBreak. No Budget or anything anywhere?!
OPCC: Yes, sir. Our regional manager is based in Charlotte and he is aware of this and other things going on at this branch. He's here about once a week and looking into it.
C: It takes a regional manager to put up a sign? You've got bigger problems.
OPCC: /awkward chuckle/ Here's your rental. It's in space 252 in the return lot. /he directs me to another far away land to pick up the car/
Finally, in my car, I am on my way. But today has one more adventure to tell. This time with pure minimum wage incompetence.
I order a pizza from a local joint. I mention a 10% off ad on my hotel key card. The cashier on the phone has no idea what I'm talking about so I just bring the card in with me when I pick up my food.
Basic Math Evades Me: OK, sir, that will be $16.25.
Chols: Did you get the 10% discount?
BMEM: No, I don't know how to enter it.
C: /already fed up from a day of incompetence, I ready myself to tell her "well, find someone who does know", but she already scurries off/
BMEM: /now standing with someone else/ How do I enter this? /the someone just leaves and she is just standing there alone now/ I don't know how to enter it. There isn't a button!?
C: Well, how do you enter the total? Why don't you just enter the cost less 10%?
BMEM: There isn't a button!?
C: How do you enter it in? Do you just type the amount in? (it's a generic cash register with basic keys. Nothing fancy like McDonalds or Taco Bell)
BMEM: Yeah... but there's no discount button
C: Just take 10% off $16.25 and put that in.
BMEM: How?
C: Use that adding machine /I gesture to calculator/ and type in $16.25. Now multiply that by 0.9. That is the price I should pay.
BMEM: /enters in numbers as I instructed/ Wait! it says $14.625!?
C: Just round up to $14.63.
BMEM:....ok. $14.62
C: Sure. /runs card/
So ends the worst travel day of my life. Looks like I'll make an extra effort to check in 1hr and 10min before my flight leaves just to be safe.
